got me running on my bare feet
picture pictures
announcement announcements
the day we went OU to watch Ip Man
waiting for Mom @ OldWing taxi stand
the weather was lovingly warm =) and windy!
who doesn't sit on tiangs?
The night I went up Genting with Dad
Had hot-mocha+whip cream
I open the window, but it isn't cold
Got myself the ring I wanted and another for Enic
And found out their outlet is in The Curve ==''
A plate of sandwich and my coffee =)
It wasn't cold,
I spent about an hour chilling at the park in front of Genting Hotel
When I was purchasing a fruit+chocolate fondue opposite Mary Brown at First World Indoor ThemePark, there is an old man stood next to me quite closely. He was staring at my fondue and my wallet. It's SCARY. Luckily the man at the counter saw and shoo him away. I quickly got my foot steps to join a few girls to go up the escalator together.
OhAmGee.
That's freaky. I mean he was like s-t-a-r-i-n-g and looking at me. Maybe the poor man is hungry or something. =( but he freaked me. I couldn't do anything... sorry.
So my sister got back home this afternoon. We cousins the same usual gang, Dragon, Vonne, Elise, Enic & I went yamcha at OldTown, 3TwoSquare just now. 2 person on laptop, 2 person chatting, 1 blurly flowing with everyone. HAHAHA. I'm the youngest, I'm the blur-est and the quietest. =D
Gaa they bully me. 2 person just came back not long from Melbourne & Australia and exchanging their whole trip, 2 person on their laptops exchanging Korean videos. Me leh? Got what to talk about? Studies also like shit, wanted to discuss but not this time.
Cheh. I feel so god-damn useless now! No not now, even on the day my results is out. Or even on the day I was placed on the last class. Maybe it was the day when things started to change and no body was guiding me. NO. All I can blame now is myself.
I'm having a big appetite nowadays. Like one day can take in 4 heavy meals. ohamgee. And I start going for exercise every evening. But it's not enough, the in-take is more than the out-put. Is it stress? I know I eat a-lot when I stress. Sometimes I don't eat when I'm stress. No, more like.. Depression = don't eat. Stress = eat. whatthecow. =(
I went to school on friday morning. During form5 recess. No it wasn't my luck. I didn't bump into HiM or even Vonne or my brother.
I GOT REJECTED
like in the face. Puan Yip was like, cannot. totally cannot. Gaa I feel like falling down to feet that time. My mind was blank. After asking for a few guide, I quickly walk out of the office. Brushing my hair thru my finger over and over again. Keeping my head up, I walk quickly to the front gate. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to answer calls or make any calls. When I reach the guard house, I type a message. To the one whom would love to spent the form6 time together, to whom will kill me if I don't get in. Sorry I disappointed you, but if you understand my situation, and not be that self-fish as I thought you were, I my self felt like shit that time. I didn't dare to walk home because I scare I might not focus on the road or the cars.I got on a taxi immediately. in fact I reach home only sent that message. Next I text Mom. She was fine with it at first because I told her my 2nd plan. When I met her for lunch she was furious. I can feel my chest trembling up my throat when she was nagging in the car. I can feel the warm tears that are going to burst out my eyes when the minute she said do I realize what I've done to my future. I was sad. I was angry at myself. I was SO so so fuck-up that time. I didn't guess that Mom would be so anxious with it. When she replied my message is like she is backing-up for me. She supports my 2nd plan. But I know she have the every right to be angry. To scold me. I don't, I didn't just want her to scold me, I would love it if she hit me or slap me. To wake me up, to show me I am in the wrong.
No matter what, Happy Mother's Day Mom. =)
I've walk wrongly this few years. I didn't realize what was I up to. Once I told most of my colleagues that I hated high school. I hate form4 and form5. When I started working, I want to be happy, I want to appreciate and watch every step I take from that on wards. I want to leave things behind and live a new-fresh-clear life. I didn't even want to contact anyone that brings me the bitter memories of high school. I know I'm being very mean and bad now. But I blame no one for this, seriously no offences to anyone of your'll. I've met great, funny, caring friends. I love this friendships. It's just me that I'm angry of. Even though I'm in the last class of the form, if only I buck up my self, fight for my self, love my self, it wouldn't turn out to be this way.
ohmaygod. I don't wanna start crying and wet my pillow again. I don't want to have nightmares and uneven meals. I.... don't want to feel useless. Be useless. Or let others think I'm a piece of junk. ''she? got the looks, but not the brains.'' I'm sick of those words.
I'M SO SICK OF IT!
I'm fighting for my music exam now. I giving the best I could. I'm trying to change. I'm trying hard to do it.... Please trust me
xoxo
Ee MiN
ps : princess under depression.
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