Unfathomable Expression From Your Pale Face

after this post, please don't ignore me again

Was looking for a space to spill thoughts out, found one old conversation saved. And then I said to myself..

If only I know what is going on in my heart, again.

If only I dare to face it again

If only I dare to bring this matter up again

If only.. it's real enough, is strong enough to keep me clapping on one hand

Shut my eyes..

Shut my mouth.

Not seeing or saying anything this time. Leave it as it is. I don’t dare to face the fact that I’m silently still admiring you in the dark corner of my heart. I don’t dare to even come across it, or think of it. Not believing my own heart. Trusting only my mind.

Am I not mature enough? Am I still dangling myself? I need a true answer. I want to know, I ought to know. I must. But.. am I pushing myself too far.. thinking too much, again? Maybe it’s just nothing, maybe is just caring. Like he always do. To anyone else. I can’t think of it anymore.

I felt that I’m not good enough for you.

Last time I tried to keep up with your steps. You’re way up high, I tried to climb that stiemp stairs. Till you officially dumped me, I lost faith in everything. Living a life with the flow. Letting it rott. And now, it is ruined. Fixing it back takes 10 times the effort. And 10 times the patient. 

Hoping things will end well.

I guess, making myself understand the picture of I-don’t-know-you-well-enough to love you again is quite true. I wish to hang out with you more, to spent more time with you. Even though nothing is in our way, but I just can’t seem to have the courage to stay by your side. I’m afraid that the dark feeling will raise once again. And I clearly know that just talking to you thru this electronic gadget isn’t going to bring us far. I need to have conversations face-to-face with you. Your tone, your voice, your expression. How can I imagine them. Dear, why are you so irresistible?

Boring, is just an excuse.

Texting you with no particular reason is my hobby. Everytime talking to you make my day shine. No matter how hard the situation is, I always intend to listen to your guidences. You’re like my blood sister. Ooops! No, I shouldn’t have say that. Maybe from now on I should treat you as my Oppa. One and only Oppa. Although you always kor kor here, kor kor there. I always ignore those words. I don’t want to be your dongseng. Strongly, a no. I can’t accept it now. Although I really want it to be like that. Sigh. Its all my side thinking again. Ee Min is thinking too much, again.


sincerely, 
Ee Min

ps : to who and whom who care.. drop this. I don't wanna talk about it. unless is YoU, yourself.