I Stood Too High For Too Long

now I am allowed to fall 

so much deeper into the ground

Tuesday 28 September 2010

Ihadabadday. Iheardthings. Unwantedthings. Horriblethings. Aboutaperson. Aboutalife. Abouthowgirlsgetreallygetupsetbecauseoftheseactions. Idontnotknowwhototrust. Whotounderstand. Whototalkwith. NooneunderstandwhereamIstandingnow. Notthatnoonewascurious. Ididtoldsomeonewhathadhappen. Andhetotallystandupwithme. Supportedme. Encourageme. Gavemeadvice. Somany.. Somany. Toomany. Toomuchthingsatonce. NowthatIminvolveinitbecomesharder. Hardertofacewhatisgoingtocome. Hardertobeaware. Hardertodifferenciatewhatisgoodandbad. WhatIshoulddoandwhatIshouldnot. Dontgetbrainwashed. Anddontgetallintohisplans. Idontknow. Ireallydonotknowwhatisnext. Imstressout. Itsnotbecauseoftheexams. Itsnotbecauseoftheclasses. Everythingaccumulated. AndnowIcantstanditanymore. HowdoIburstit? HowshouldIhandleit? Itssopainfulonmychest. Itstooheavy. Itshardtobreathe. Tearsarebubbling. Imforcingitin. OrIshouldnt? 

Boy. Isowantyourattention. Ineedyourattention. Iwantyourcare. Iwantyoutolisten. AfterthatIrealize. Imnotyouranyone. HowIhopethatphraseendwithayet. Iwanttotellyouexactlywhathappened. HowIfeltashamed. HowIfeltreallybad. WhyamIsoemotional. Whathasgoneintome. Whatgotsowrongthatiscausingallthisemotionalrunningup. Howmanyisinvolve. Howmanyisavictim. Butboy. Cometothinkofit. Wearejustfriends. Imgoingovertheboder. IdontknowwhatamIdoingnowisrightorwrong. IdontknowwhatdoyouthinkImtryingtodo. Ihavenoideahowtotellyouthis. Ifeelsohelplessnow. Soempty. Tooemptythatisevenhardtocry. 

Ivestandthewholefeelingsincetheafternoon. Classbecamemoremourning. Topicsweresad. Storieswereworse. IwassoupsetthatIneedtoexcusemyselftothewashroom. Idrippedafewtears. AndIrealizeIneedtocheeruptheatmosphere. Iwanttomakeadifferenceintodaysclass. Idontwanteveryonetogohomeandgetallupsetwithclasstoday. Idecidedtomakeeveryonetoforgetwhattheyhadshared. Istanduptomydecision. ButIwasntgiventhechancetodoso. Sirtotallyskipmeoffmyturn. Idontwantmydeargirlstobeupset. Theydontdeservethis. Theyareallangels. Whyshouldhetreatthemlikethis? Ifeltawful. Reallyawful. Iamtheonethatshouldbegettingallthescoldingandyelling. Why?! Whenyouknowitsactuallyme. Itsmyfaultandyoudontwantoscoldme? Istoodout. Iconfrontedmyself. Butyoudontwanttoacceptit. Pleasescoldtherightperson! Althoughtheydidntmindwhatthehackyoudidyouscoldthem. Butyourwords,theirexpression,theirdissatisfactionisreallykillingme!    

AttheendallthatmatterwasyoU. Mymindwasrushinghotblood. Imdesperatetoseeyou. Iwantmyheadonyourshouldersandnotonmyhands. Iwantyoutowipemytearsaway. Iwantedyoutobenexttome. Ineededashelter. Butno. Ididnteventellyouwhathappened. IdidnthintyouthatIwasreallyupset. ThatIcancollapseanywhereanytimenow. YesIwasthatweak. Iwassohelpless. AndImnotoutofit. Yet. Boyithadjustbeen1week. AndIhavemissyoulikecrazy. ''important''howimpotantamItoyou? 

MiN ; alexis

ps : thankyou JWei. ily. 
status : miserable. stress. upset. confused. fallinginandoutoflove.
from heart : all i really want is yoU to be here.