Romantic Dreams Must Die

so-close, was waiting

where.. nor how should I start..

I've been thinking of this ''thing'' very much lately.. 

OKAY. 

So.. life has been good ever since I decided to move on and get over YoU. Think positively and just move. And then I started attending the F.A.P.Course.. Friends over that side knew that I'm single and is happy with my life. 

Everything was fine. Happily fine. 

Then come a day. A random, last minute outing. I don't blame him for inviting me, I AM in the group too, there's nothing wrong for me to be there, or self-invitation. I was quite excited after hearing that hE would be there too.. After the yamcha section, after that night.. I don't know where did the feeling or the curiosity come out from. Where did that feeling come from? Did I think too much, again on hiS status? Misunderstandings always occur. 

We started messaging each other every night and day, seeing each other, hang out together almost every week. Messages make you feel closer.. it give you some kind of imaginary images or the wrong feeling. Messages can't talk, you can misunderstand some words. You wouldn't know the tonality of the whole conversation. Seeing each other, but still so afraid. Why can't you see me straight into my eyes? That doubts me.. is my make up ruined? Is there something wrong with my face? Coming to think of it.. it's kinda rude for you to do so. Yess, you and I were shy. But not to that limit please? I hate hang outs that doesn't even speak a word. Awkward much, very much. My mood was unpleasant that night. I needed a talk.. or even a joke could work. But both of us was silent all the way. Why the long-road, why the jams, it all make things harder to face.

Then come the drunk-ard-day. 
I met up with HiM at the night, true. I did not regret that I asked a random, silly question. It was killing me all the while, I was just needed the answer. I need to know. Then so I can let go. I wasn't planning to make a fool out of you two. Really.


I was into hiM that time. It's true that I've never forget HiM, till I met hiM. That question, was just a question. I don't mean anything else. Now that question is answered, so case close.  


Now that things became like this, people are talking crap, and spreading crap. I come to realize the difference in you two. Yess, sadly, sorry, I'm comparing. I realize that was a crush. An idiot told me, ''crush only last for 4 months, it's your 2nd month now, how do you feel?'' , what a caring-bastard. I thought I can make a difference in your life. I know we aren't suitable to be together. I said before, we look like brother-sister instead of couple. But I didn't mind. Really. But now.. I can't give you what you want, I can't have what I want from you too. I see there's no moving forward in our path now. I did hope before, I did wish, I did work on it. But I can't, really can not do it alone without your help. 


I seriously, don't want to give up on you. yoU are the only person I met after giving up on HiM. Although I received a confess but I'm sorry he isn't who I wanted. He is a good friend, a good colleague. And now we are still best friend thru the phone. 


Boyy, what should I do now to stabilize our relationship..? 
I am about to give up on us. I really don't know what to do. Nothing is in progress. Maybe if I put aside all these thoughts then maybe something will work out. Treat you normally and think that we are just normal friends. No special cares, no special text messages, no surprise meetings.. will that be easier? I should bet on it. 


xoxo
Ee MiN ; alexis


ps : HiM and I are still friends :) very thankful.